Journal of Pain

Few years ago, I had a surgery for my tooth, 4 of them. They had to go out of my mouth because they don't grow up normally. Thank God the surgery went just fine and U know what, when they cut it out and took them out, I couldn't even feel the pain. It almost like there was no pain at all. But the real pain came after the surgery. Yes, I couldn't eat a daily, normal food. No rice, noodles, bread, etc. Only liquid and something like porridge or soup. To make things worse , after the drugs went away, I start to feel the pain! So I couldn't open my mouth properly and widely, otherwise it would inflict more pain. I don't like it. I don't like pain. I try to avoid pain.

What is pain? Good question. Pain means hurt for some people. Hurt physically, hurt spiritually. Pain is something that I don't like. U don't like. We don't like.

U run very fast and your foot slip, U bump your face into the ground. Blood comes out from your nose. U feel hurt. That's pain.

U trust somebody with all your heart and soul. But they left U. They cheated on U. They disappoint U. They hurt U. That's pain.

My friends, pain is important in our life. No, U don't read it wrong. Let me repeat again, pain is important in our life. Why is it important? Because pain can push U up or bring U down. It is similar with fire that can make U warm but at the same time it can burns U.

Let's take a look at physical pain.

"When He came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed Him. A man with leprosy came and knelt before Him and said, "Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean." Jesus reached out His hand and touched the man. "I am willing," He said. "Be clean!" Immediately he was cured of his leprosy." (Mat 8:1-3)

Leprosy. From what I read and heard, it is not just hurt your body and nerves but it also hurt your feelings. Someone who has leprosy will be living his life alone. No one wants to go near him. It was a curse disease they said. But U see when people get sick, most of the time they will do anything to get healed. They will do the unthinkable, go to the doctor, eat antibiotics, go to alternative medicine, eat fruits, eat more vegetables, go to a shaman, acupuncture, and also pray. U see that this man came to Jesus, knelt and asked to be healed. Do U think he would do that if he was in a full health? For me, I don't think so. But because he was sick, he came to Jesus and knelt down right away! (sign of desperation..) Came and knelt down. He did the unthinkable as long as he got cured. Crowds followed Jesus that time, but he didn't feel ashamed, he didn't worry about the crowds, he wanted to be clean. He has faith. This is the part that I like, look at the way Jesus cured him. Jesus just came down from a mountain, maybe He felt a little bit tired when all of a sudden this man came to Him and 'bug' Him. But He didn't feel annoyed, He didn't ask that man 'Who are u?' , He didn't ask him about his job, He didn't say 'Wait a minute', He didn't say anything but "I am willing, be clean!".

Friends, when U read this, I hope and pray U are in a good health, free from any disease, but if U are in one that hurts U, that makes U feel pain, U can always come to Him. He won't care about your past, your mistakes, your job, as long as U have faith, then God willing and U will be healed. U know from my surgery's story, when I knew I had to have a surgery (4 tooth!) , I complained to God. Yes I am. I said to Him, 'God, 6 billion people in this world and I have to suffer this. I hate dentist, God.' God didn't come right away to my dream or appear right in front of me that time. But U know what, it was a wake up call from Him. I used to not cherish or appreciate my lunch or my dinner or my breakfast. I used to think that it is ok to left over some foods. After all this commotion, God wants to remind me about appreciating foods. And I do appreciate them now. No more left over.

Spiritual pain.

"Martin, can we talk?" Liz looked very serious that day. For a moment I thought it was Julia Gillard in front of me and I was Tony Abbott, we were ready to talk about financial situation in Australia.

"About what?" I said. "I broke up with my boyfriend." She answered.

For more than 2.5 hours, she told me everything about him. Where did she meet him, their first date, how good he was, how long they had been together, his favorite food, sports, music, cars, etc. In the end what I wait for a long time finally came. The reason!

"I didn't really know why he left. He just left. No phone. No text. No, nothing". I didn't say a word.

"But...to be honest..we had sex 2 weeks before he left me. And now he's gone..." she started to cry. I didn't say a word. "I'm so disappointed, I feel dirty, I feel useless, my heart is broken to pieces...". The tears starts to flow like a rainy day.

"Are you desperate?" I asked. "Yes..I've been through 5 relationships but none of it was good..they all left after they got my body.." she said.

For a moment I kept silent until she was a little bit calm down and I said, "Liz, desperate is a good sign." She was shocked! She stopped crying and looked at me as if I was speaking in mandarin.

I inhale then exhale and said, "Desperate is a good sign. Why? Because desperate people will do desperate things. U see that people can do the thing that they don't want to do in a normal condition. But desperate people will do anything to get out of their condition. U have 2 choices, take drugs, drink and be an alcoholic, go to the bar, go to club, smoke, eat junk food, drink more and more sodas, hurt yourself to make the pain go away. Or U can go do some exercises, study, read books, eat healthy food, drink water, and one more thing...U can pray." When she heard the word 'pray' , she was shock again and looked at me as if I was speaking latin this time.

She argued about it's been a long time and she never pray anymore, she felt dirty, she felt as a bad bad bad sinner. But I tried to convince her to give it a try for 2 weeks. Pray every night for at least 5 minutes. She agreed.

1 day, 2 days, 3 days, 1 week, 2 weeks and she decided to meet up with me again.

"Martin, your suggestion doesn't work" she said.

"Really?"

"Yeah, look, I already pray day by day like U told me but I don't feel better."

I smiled and said, "Liz, the thing is that when U pray, U already make things better. It just that U don't realize it. Look at yourself. U are not an alcoholic. U are not junkies. U don't gain weight. U look fresh. And the more important thing is...U don't hurt yourself."

She smiled, nodded her head, mouthing 'thank you' and walk away.

Friends, when U read this I hope and pray your relationships with family and friends are great. I know there are a lot of another 'Liz' out there. Some people have bad relationship with their family. A drunk father that likes to beat up his wife and kids. A father that keeps looking down into their kids, never satisfied, never encourage, just look down to all what the kids have been done. A mother who always busy. Never cook U for your dinner. Never at home when U got home. A sibling that always drag U into their trouble. Drugs, gamble, etc..

Some people have bad relationship with the others. Your boyfriend left U. Your girlfriend cheated on U. Your friend do 'back stabbing' on U. Your friends talk about U behind your back.

U feel hurt.. U feel pain.. U feel disappointed.. U feel like dying maybe.. U feel a broken heart.. U feel desperate..

Let me close with some facts. First, if U feel hurt, pain, disappointed, desperate, U must remember that U are NOT alone. "But Martin, the thing is that it is my family and friends that keep hurting me..I have no one.." U are wrong. U have God. Remember what I said earlier? Desperate people will do desperate things. Pray like U never pray before. Second, success makes U sleepy, unaware, complacent, relax, and soft. I didn't say success isn't important. I didn't say U can't be a successful person. But what I said is through failure, mistakes, and pain U will grow stronger. It makes U aware! It keeps U awake! Imagine a winner of 1 billion US$ through a lottery. Do U think it will last long? I don't think so. Most of them who win money through lottery goes bankrupt. Easy come, easy go. Achieve success through pain, it will last long time.

I hope if U hurt, emotionally, U can turn that feeling into your engine that will drive U further like a car..

I hope if U are sick right now, physically, U realized that it is a wake up call..not a curse..

I hope if U feel desperate, U do positive desperate things and use it as your vitamin to grow better..

God bless all of U abundantly =)

-M-

Journal of Friends

A few months ago, I joined an IELTS course. It's a simple preparation for the real test of an IELTS. Why I said simple? Because it was just one week. One week that I'll never forget in my life. One week that I learn so much from it.

Don't ask me how many people in the class, because I forget already, maybe ten or more..or less. Don't even ask their names, because I only remember some. But the one that I shall never forget is Jonathan. The teacher.
After a few days of the class he asked the class "Who has facebook account?" , almost everyone of us raised our hand.
And then he said "I don't have one.." , I surprised by that and I asked him "Why not , Jon?".
He answered "What is the purpose to have one?".
I said "Well.. U can stay connected to some of Your old friends. Meet somebody new. Keep contact is the main point."
The shocking answered come out from him "For me I don't have old friends.. I put an expire date to all my friends.. So basically when they're gone..they're just gone..byebye.. no need to know anymore. Maybe I'm just an anti-social. I don't know.." and then he laughed.

Until today, I still remember what he said. I still think about the expire date on a friend..or friends. Sometimes I think that he is right. Sometimes I think he is just so wrong. When in my 6th grade, I have a best friend. Well..she WAS my best friend. We sat near each other in the class. That's why we became so close to each other. We always shared some stories everyday. We went to the cafetaria together, we laughed together, and sometimes I shared my food with her. The funny thing is that sometimes we even cheated in the test..together. But in 7th grade, we went to a different school and she just left. Some people said she went to America. I don't know either. She just left. Not telling me anything, not even trying to contact me. That was like 10 or 9 years ago.
Since last year, I have become an active member of this social network, facebook. When I remembered about her, I searched her..typed in the name and.. found !! I add her with a smiling face. It's right that she IS in America !! Oh I'm so excited. She's still look the same and I sent her a message, asked if she still remember me.. Guess what.. until I write down this journal she never accepted me.. and the last time I checked, she ignored me. The message? She never replied it.

The second is that I have this best friend of mine but then again yeah she WAS my best friend. Our friendship is like 8 or 9 years. Yes it's a long time for a friendship. At least in my opinion. She went to America too (what's wrong with these girls.. why do they go to the same country I wonder..) , but we still contact each other. After a few years, things started to change. She has been in US for like 4 or 5 years up until now. At first, we still talked much. But now..not anymore. For the last 4 or 5 months, I don't even know who she is. She looks not the way she should be anymore. We never talk anymore. She never try to contact me..and I never try to contact her. Why? Because she is not the girl that I used to know.

I don't know and I'm not about to find out what's wrong with my 1st best friend. Now I feel like..maybe that's what Jonathan means by put an expire date to a friend. Because sometimes they leave. And for my 2nd best friend, she is different because of her friends. The friends that surround her. Let me quote what my mom said to me : "If You have friend who is a fisherman, You will smell like a fish..but if You have friend who is a florist, You will smell like flowers".

Believe me, when it comes to friendship..I'm not good at it. I don't even know what kind of friends I am. The good one, the bad one..the so-so one. I don't know. In the end, I just know that I'm not a perfect person and so anybody else. At least that's what I learn from all this things that have happened in my life. Nobody is perfect. Not even the one that we call 'best friend'. They won't be there 24/7 to hear You out. They won't always be there for You. They won't be someone that You expect them to be. They won't help You all the time. And the worst part is.. sometimes they just go. Being somebody's else best friend. Or maybe..sometimes it is we that leave someone..and being somebody's else best friend. Let me remind You..there's nothing wrong with that.

I don't understand either why God put someone in my life and in the end they leave me. But I know that it is not a coincidence. There's always something to learn..to be a better person and to understand, we have to go the right way. And that's why we need Him. Beacause He is our real best friend.. He understands us..guides us..protects us.. and always be there for us. No matter where we are. And I believe that He will never put an expire date on us.



-M-