How Do You Love Yourself?

This is article is not about narcissism. Nor about how to put your make up or what to wear (this is not a Cosmo magazine...). This article is simply about how you can put more 'value' into yourself. This article will not be as long as usual.

1. Start with the mind

I know it is not an easy task sometimes, but believe me, your ears believe the closest mouth that said something. In this case, your own mouth!

The easiest way to do this is by standing in front of a mirror and say: "Thank You, Lord for Your blessings. My health is better, my finance is growing, my family is loving me! Thank You for everything I have!"

Say that every morning in front of a mirror and I believe that in no time , you will value yourself more. You will no longer complain about what you do not have, instead you will feel blessed by Him.

If you do not believe your mind has such a power , then try this, stand in front of a mirror and say: "I am ugly! I am worthless! I will die by a cancer! I will die alone!"

Try it every morning and tell me what happen after a few years.

2. Focus on the 'right' side

Get a piece of paper and divide it into two, left and right side. Your left side is about negativity, complain, anger, etc. Write it down. Write it all. But on your right side, write every blessings you have everyday.

Hard to fill the right side? Let me help you. If you have normal eyes that can look the beauty of this world, write it. If you have normal hands, then write it. If you have normal legs, write. If you breathe free air through your nose, write it. (Well, that is actually two things, free air and nose.) See? In just one minute you can fill your right side. Focus on your right side and you will value yourself more.

3. Belief

How much is your worth? You have to believe that you are worthed. I know some people do not believe that they are worthed. It is so sad that one day I read something like this on Twitter, "I hope my baby doesn't as ugly as me. I hope he doesn't as fat as me."

Sad because this girl do not value herself that high, let alone her baby. Because when you cannot believe that you are worthed, than it will be much harder for you to believe that you are beautiful. Not just your outside, but also from the inside.

Friends, you are so expensive, well actually WE are so expensive. We are so worthed that Father in Heaven sacrificed His Son to save us! If we are not worthed, why would He do that? We believe that we are ugly, God does not believe that, "So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them." (Genesis 1:27)

Why do we believe that we are bad? We are ugly? We are worthless? We are a sinner? Because we choose to believe in that. Because we believe that we are bad, ugly, worthless, and a sinner. But, if we believe that we are God's child, we will believe that we are so priceless!

Friends, I always believe that God has your image in His bedroom. He put it beside His bed. I believe that God has your image as His wallpaper. I believe that God has your picture inside His wallet. So, believe it that He loves you so much and your value is so high that it reaches priceless!

God bless you as always.

-M-

New Year's Resolution

I know it is a little bit too late to say this, but I am going to say this anyway: HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013 to you all !!! May this year brings you a lot of joy, prosperity, and health. God bless you, my friend.

Anyway, new year is always identical with resolution and resolution is identical with dreams. I have resolution for this year, which is to update my blog with one article each month! (My God, please help me do this). What about you? What is your resolution this year? What is your dream? It could be you want to get a new job. Or maybe you plan to lose some weight? Or maybe you plan to start a new business? It could be anything. However, time flies. Most of us will not realize until December comes. And then we start to panic because our January's resolution gone with the wind.

1. Start with a Small Step

Two guys went for a fishing. One big guy and one small guy. They started to fish at the same time, they were looking for fish because they want to have dinner. After few hours, the big guy successfully caught a fish. A small one.

The big guy said, "Argh, this fish is too small. I have a big stomach, I will not be satisfied with this."

So he throw it away.

Not long after that, the small guy caught a small fish, and he said, "Oh! A small fish! Thank You Lord, now I have something to eat for dinner." He put the fish in a bucket and put the bait back in the water.

It happened for hours after hours until dinner time came. The small guy's bucket filled with a lot of fishes, even though they were the small ones. The big guy's bucket was empty! Because he was busy trying to find a big fish!

The point is, that is what we do in our daily life. We try to find a big fish and we do not pay enough attention for the small ones. What is your resolution? Take a small step, my friend.

A friend of mine, on 2011 he said that he wanted to quit his job and started his own restaurant. A big one with a lot of variety of foods, Japanese, Korean, Indonesian, American, etc. He wanted to hire some chefs from outside the country. Yet it never happened. A few months later he said that he wanted to do another business, which is importing furnitures from China because furnitures were so cheap in there and he could gain a lot of profit by selling back it here. He had the money and he said he could get millions dollar of profit. Up until now, none of his plan were done.

Big is good. There is nothing wrong by planning to do something big. But your first step is even more important. You want to lose weight, then walk in the morning for 30 minutes or go to the gym. You do not have to buy those 1 million rupiah shoes but you never made it to the gym. You want to quit cigarette  then replace it with bubble gum or some candies to take your attention away. You want to start a new business, then start it with small business. Just like people said, “When you do something small, you made small mistakes. When you jump straight into something big, you made big mistakes.”

So, what is your dream? What is your first step?

2. Plant Now, Harvest Later

I have a friend who is a heavy smoker. In January, he said one day to me that he wants to quit. I said, "Oh good! Do it, mate!"

He said, "I will! Do not worry about it. I will not touch it anymore. I will put it away."

After a few months, I saw him, smoking by himself. He said, "Martin, I can not quit now. I have so many problems in the office. I can not quit."

Two months after that, I saw him again with a cigarette in his hand, this time he said, "I will quit later, I just can not quit now. The fact is I still have a lot of problems with my family which make my head going crazy! You know when everything calms down , I will quit! You know I will and you know I can. I will throw it away and I will burn it down. No more cigarettes!"

In December end, near Christmas day, I ran into him again and he had not quit yet.

It did not surprise me. Because he simply never started. He waited for perfect conditions to start. I believe that imperfect condition is the the perfect moment. If you want to be a singer, then now is your perfect moment. If you want to be a guitar player, then now is your perfect moment. If you want to start a new business, then now is your perfect time!

Another example is this, my friend who is a woman said to me that she was so fed up with her boss.

“Martin, I’m sick with my job! I have had enough with my boss!”

“Hmmm.. so what are you going to do? Quit?

“Of course! I don’t have any reason to stay.”

“Okay.. What are you going to do after that?”

“I am going to start my own online shop!”

“Okay.. What kind of shop?”

“Handbag shop!”

“Do you have the name for this shop?”

“Yes!”

“Do you know where to get the handbags?”

“Yes!”

“Do you know the distributor? The price?”

“Yes! Yes!”

“Do you have any market share? Will you sell it on facebook? Will you sell it on twitter?”

“Yes! Yes! Yes!”

“Alright that’s great! Then when are you going to start?”

“Hmmm.. maybe 3 or 4 years later after I’m getting married.”

After getting married she thought it would be a perfect condition , a perfect moment. But again, perfect condition was created by you. Yes , YOU !!! If you wait, most likely you will find another excuse not to do something you want.

European’s bear, they go for hunting in summer. Why? Because they do not want to be starving in winter. They stock and pile up their foods, when winter comes, they are hiding, hibernating, and not starving. They already ‘plant’ in the summer, so they do not panic in winter.

Country with different seasons such as European countries, US, and Australia, people in that countries, prepare for winter in the summer. In summer, they put discount on coat, jacket, and everything you need for winter. So they stock up and pile up, come winter everything is prepared!

Once upon a time, there were 2 farmers; farmer A and farmer B. Farmer A said, “Hey let’s fill this field with corn seeds!”

“Agree!” Farmer B answered.

“Wait , wait , wait B... Look at the sky! There are so many birds. Nah I don’t feel like it. There won’t be any chances we could grow these seeds in a condition like this. Let’s wait for next month!”

“No, A! Give me the seeds. I will plant it now!”

Farmer A gave the seeds to B, “Do whatever you want!”

Short story, B started to spread the seeds on the field. Of course some of the seeds were eaten by the birds. But B never gave up, he kept on trying to push the birds away. Day in, day out he never gave up! He always put himself on the field. On the contrary, A was busy too. But he was busy with newspaper and television! He tried to find out about everything from the news. He was so worried about weather, plagued, fertilizer’s price, etc.

After a few months, came harvest time. B had corns to harvest! He sold it and got money. While A got nothing and bite his nail. Simply, because he wait for everything to be perfect! And perfect condition will never came! I read this once in a newspaper : “There’s always something wrong even in a place you thought was right.”

I remember when I was about to release my first hand-writing, I was so afraid. I was so afraid about my friends response, my family response, and people response in general. I was so afraid with my English. I was so afraid with my grammar. Yet, I kept on writing. Am I perfect now? No. Not at all, but I decided to do it anyway. Back then, I was so afraid to swim. I was afraid that I would be drown if I went into the swimming pool. Yet, I swim now. I was so afraid to drive a car back then. I could not see other cars behind me, I could not park, but I kept on driving and now I can drive! I remember when I got my guitar for my birthday’s gift, I was afraid to play it. I was afraid that I am going to sound absurd (which I was!) but I never stopped there. I kept on practising and now I am sound better!

So, when are you going to start?

3. 1000 Failures = 1 Success

Michael Jordan is a legend. A legend in a basketball game. He used to play for Chicago Bulls. Even for those of you who do not like basketball, maybe you heard his name because he was so famous.

Anyway, do you know how he could became a legend? He trained so hard! That is true. He trained with his eyes closed while doing free throws. It was true that his training made him a legend. But, there is something else, he became a legend because he failed many times! Let me give you the statistics:

·        He missed more than 9.000 shots in his career!

·        He lost almost 300 games in his entire career!

·        26 times his friend trusted him to do the winning shot and he missed!

He said: “I failed over and over and over again, and that is why I succeed. I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying.”

Colonel Sanders offered his recipe into more than 1.000 restaurants before finally there was one restaurant who wanted to use it. If he gave up at 999 times of trying than we will not be able to eat KFC these days.

Thomas Alfa Edison failed 10.000 times, well some people said he failed 1.000 times and his lab even burnt down. But, he never quit. Imagine if he was a quitter. We will live in a dark today.

What is your dream? Do you have the will to start it all over again?

When I was in Australia, I went to church on Sunday for Mass. Well, ninety or ninety-five percent of the church filled with old people (no offence). Nothing wrong with the old people though. However, it made me thinking, it also reminded me about dream. All of us will grow old. I will be old one day. My hair turns white, my skin wrinkles, my eyes will not cooperate so well with me anymore, my ears will not hear so good anymore. When I looked at those old people, maybe they were thinking: “I wish I was a singer.”; “I wish I was a book writer.”; “I wish I was a football player.”; “I wish I was a doctor.”; “I wish I was a swimmer.” I thought that how sad there were so many songs never sung, so many books never written, so many goals never scored, so many business never started. All those dreams just grow old and die and gone away with us when we leave this world. Friends, all of us will grow old, but for our dreams, we have a choice to let it grow old or grow up. Do not let your dreams grow old and die and you buried it away with you.

God bless you as always :)

-M-

THE GIFT

Everyday Is A Gift Day

I love a gift. Well, who doesn’t? Everyone loves it. Especially a gift from our loved ones. It shows that person care about us. Even the smallest gift could mean so much.

I remember back then when I was 6-8 years old, I loved Christmas so much. I still do love Christmas up until now. It just “the love” that is different. When I was a kid, I didn’t really care about the Mass, what I cared about was the event after the Mass, which was meet with Santa at mall !

I loved Santa! I remember that he called us one by one, sit on his lap and we got gift! When I opened the present…. TAAADAAAAAAA… Dragon Ball’s action figure! Loved it! Santa always gave me present every year. I thought that he was a real Santa that could read my mind and gave me what I want.

When I grow up, I realize that Santa is just a man. A man in a costume. I still love him though. Not because I still want to sit on his lap and get a present (his thigh might be broken if I do that), but simply because Santa is a symbil of a “giver” not a “taker”. And now I know that the real giver is God. God is abundance. He has this huge room full of gifts and He wants us to have it.

How do I know God has so much gifts? Free air, free sun light, food we ate, family we have, friends, love, aren’t they gifts? Day by day we are going through is a gift from Him. If Santa comes once in a year. Then, He comes with gifts every single day!

It’s still Friday!

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

(John 3 : 16)

Speaking about gift, God gave the only Son He has as a gift to us. I can’t imagine and I don’t want to imagine when people have to lose his son for the others that they even don’t know. But God did that! He loves us! He loves me! He loves you!

However, there might be questions like :

• “If God really loves me then why things don’t go my way?”

• “Why do I face difficulties everyday?”

• “Why this happen to me? Why that happened?”

Well, the answer is simply because today is still “Friday”! On Friday, everything goes wrong! Rain hits! Storm is here! Nothing seems right. But don’t worry, Sunday is coming!

The things you are going through now make you tired, it is because today is still Friday. On Friday, Jesus being caught. His friends left Him. Peter lied about Him. Jesus being tortured. Blood spilled everywhere. A crown full with thorn put on His head. He was being punched, kicked. His face full with bloods, sweats, tears. Soldiers spit on Him. His face being slapped. Women were crying. His clothes were torn apart. And finally He was crucified. But that was Friday.

Come Sunday, He was risen from the dead. Everybody throws a party. Angels came down from Heaven. His disciples busy spreading this good news. No more tears. No more cries. Women were so happy when that found out that Jesus has rose from the dead. Everybody happy. Smiles were everywhere. Sunday is coming to your life.

An Eagle

Mr and Mrs Eagle is a happy couple with one son, Eagle Jr. When Mrs. Eagle gave birth to Eagle Jr., she brings Eagle Jr. to the top of mountain. Mr and Mrs Eagle, together they build a home for their son. They build a beautiful nest. Very comfortable and very warm place for Eagle Jr.

But a few years after that, come the time for Eagle Jr. to learn to fly. Mr and Mrs Eagle teach their son using the hardest way. Mrs Eagle throws her son from the top of the mountain. Eagle Jr. is wondering “Why mom is so mean to me? Heeelllllppppp!!! I’m going to die!!” . All of a sudden, Mr Eagle catches Eagle Jr., put his son back on the nest. The little eagle hasn’t finished catch his breath, Mrs Eagle throws him down again! And it is happening many many many times for a day.

Eagle Jr. thought that “Ok, it was crazy. Now is the time to eat.” When he was a little bird. Mommy would give him the yummy worms for him. Delivered to his nest. But now, there is no food! No yummy yummy worms inside his nest. Mommy puts it outside. So, Eagle Jr. climbs his nest and goes outside. When he does that, the thorns from the nest sometimes hit his wings. Blood is dripping.

Why the Eagles did that? Because Eagles want their kid to be extraordinary. Eagles are different from any other birds. They don’t fly. They soar in the sky! That’s why now tears are flowing, body is exhausting, mind is very tired. God doesn’t enjoy that. But He wants you to be extraordinary! He wants you to soar in the sky! God wants you to receive His gifts!

God always love you :)

-M-

Journal of Happiness

Once upon a time, in an island somewhere over the sea, there was a jungle. Inside that jungle lived only plants and animals, there was no humans inside that jungle.

On a big tree, there were two monkeys, Monkey A and Monkey B. They had small talk over a few of bananas.

Monkey A said to Monkey B, "Hey B, you know what, this jungle is not the same anymore."

"Why?" asked B.

A said, "Well.. look at these bananas.. They do not taste as good as they used to anymore..The colors are not so bright. You know the waters that flow through the middle river? It does not taste fresh these days. And to make it even worse, last night when I tried to climb a tree, I accidentally stepped on lion's head. It got very angry and hunted me down to the end of this woods! Luckily I could find another big tree, but when I climbed it, I stepped on a thorn from that tree! My feet was bleeding.. I guess I'm going to die soon." A started to look down with a long face.

But Monkey B laughed so hard and tapped Monkey A's back and said, "Hey A, I live in the same woods just like you do, remember? We eat bananas from the same tree, we drink from the same river, we even sleep in the same tree! But look at the big smile in my face! You want to know why? Let me tell you my secret."

1. Count What You Have , Not What You Lost

"A, you set your happiness rule too high. You only feel happy when the bananas are looking and taste like you want it. The same things goes to the water. You feel happy when trees are clean from thorn, but for me , I'm happy because I can eat and drink and have place to sleep at night. That is what makes me happy."

Let me interrupt those monkey's stories with some inspiration for you. The secret of happiness does not lying outside there, the secret is inside yourself. You are the one who have the complete control of your own happiness. It is your decision, your rules. Set simple rules for happiness , do not set the bar too high, do not push yourself too hard, do not put too much pressure on yourself. I'm not saying that you should just giving up everything in this life. No, I'm not telling you to be lazy or to be a person that easy to give up on everything! Do not get me wrong, there is a big different being lazy and being simple.

Being simple means that things does not have to happen just like what you want but you still can be happy. For example, you want today to be a sunny day because you just washed your car earlier. Not just washed it, but you also waxed it from the back, front, up, even down! It looks very shiny so when people want to look at your car they have to wear sunglasses! But when you drive your car out of your garage, rain starts fall down and bam!!! your car now looks dirty again. If you are a simple person, if you set your happiness bar low enough, you will be happy! Why? Your rules to happiness is low! You change your mind from "I'll be happy if.." into "I am happy because.." . If the rules is high , you will say "I'll be happy if today is a sunny day." , if the rules is low , you will say "I am happy because I still have a car." If your rules to happiness is simple and low, believe me, you will have happitude..the attitude of happy people.

Happitude is the attitude of happy people. Happy people like to count what they have and not what they lost! If you look at your problems and you put microscope over it, you start to talk about it everyday, mourn over it every time, moan about it every single second and analyze it like an economic crisis, you will not be happy. Friends, believe me when I say this.. God is a happy God. Why would a happy God give you less happiness and more problems? No, He won't! He ALWAYS give you more blessings than problems! ALWAYS..all the time.

2. Bad Things Make Space for Good Things

"A, you know, maybe the foods and waters and trees are not like the way you want them to be. But you still have to be thankful. Because maybe the bananas are not so good right now, we eat them now, so tomorrow this banana trees will grow even better bananas for us to eat. The waters maybe does not taste fresh but it has flow now! And fresher waters will flow! Your feet was bleeding, but now you know which tree is dangerous to climb!"

Monkey A started to nodded his head.

Friends, I know people want to live a very peaceful life. I know because I want it too. I understand that people do not want pain. I know because I do not want it too. But to gain more blessings, you need more spaces. Friends, give thanks to God for the empty spaces in your life.

That's why your boyfriend left you. He just left you without any reason. You were being dumped. Thank God , now He can send a better man for you. That's why your girlfriend cheated on you. She left you because you are not good enough according to her. Thank God, so He can send a woman who loves you for whoever you are.

That's why you are out of your job now. You were retrenched. Thank God and believe that you can get a better job out there!

When bad things happen, you have two choices. Either you give up or you take it as an empty spaces in your life that very soon will be filled by God with even more blessings. Happiness is a choice, my friends.

3. God's Love

"A, my final secret is this, look around us. There are foods, waters, and trees, also loose soil. Even there are so many different kinds of plants here! We have so many friends! There are so many different kinds of animals here! We never feel lonely, right?"

A smiled and hugged his friend, "Thank you so much, B!!"

The most important key to happiness is love, especially God's love.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life."

God loves this world so much. God loves YOU so much. He gave everything for this world..for you also. We are busy looking for God's blessings, the truth is that we already surrounded by it! We just can't see it sometimes. To be happy is to believe that God loves you.

We are too busy to look for our own accomplishment..our own success, but we miss to look out for God's love. I am not saying that you can't be success. Success is important, that's true. Accomplishment is important, that's also true. However, do not rely your happiness on what you have achieved. Do not rely your happiness on what is temporary. Rely it onto something that last forever.. The love of God.

No matter how much money you have now, you will not bring it when you are gone.

Your car, so expensive, so shiny, looking so cool now, one day it will be rusty.

Your house, so big , so beautiful, one day you will leave it and someone else will own it.

If your happiness depends on these things, believe me, it will gone...puuufffff... just like the wind. Jesus wants you to find eternal happiness , not temporary one. Seek your happiness in God's love. Believe that God loves you.. He has your picture in His room.. He always thinking about you all the time.. He sits in front of his laptop everyday, waiting for you to go online and have some chat with Him.. He even saves your picture in His wallet! He has written your name in His heart!

Be happy!

-M-

Journal of Forgiveness

I love drawing book! Not just like it, but I love it! I remember when I was a kid, I use it all the time to draw what I wanted. But the other main things beside the book itself were pencil and eraser. When I wanted to draw a mountain and I made a mistake, I just erased it. That's what we supposed to do too in our daily life.

Forgive Others.

Whether you have realized it or not, forgiveness is against our nature. We, naturally, do not have the capability to forgive. Our nature is to destroy. That's why when someone hurt us, we want them to feel the pain too. That's why when someone lie to us, we can't go to them and smile and hug them. That's why when someone disappoint us, we want to kick, punch, slam, and slice them apart! (okay, I know that was too exaggerating..).

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22)

Jesus said we have to forgive someone up to seventy seven times (based on international version) or in the North America version, Jesus said we have to forgive someone up to seventy times seven! Let's do the math.. 70 x 7 = 490.. If there are 18 people that hurt you and for every 1 person that hurt you, you need 490 prayer, that means 490 x 18 = 8,820 prayers! Okay, enough with the math..it's holiday.

8,820 prayers show that forgiveness isn't easy and takes time. I will talk about it later though.

When you forgive someone , it doesn't mean you forget them. People sometimes confuse between the lines of forgive and forget. Forgive doesn't equal forget. They are 2 different things. I still remember though who used to bully me, who took away my money, who lied to me, who cheated behind my back, who pretended to be nice to me just for their own good, who pretended to be friends yet they left me when I needed them the most, yet I already forgive them. How? Pray.

I have a friend who had this grudge for his father for many years. Yet, now he's free from hatred. No more grudge, no more tears, no more anger.. only smile and he isn't shame to share his stories.. anytime. I asked him that one time, how come he could forgive his father that he used to hate so much, he gave me this beautiful answer. "To forgive means to accept. To accept your conditions were never easy. I used to feel hatred deep down inside.. I prayed for bad things that I wish fell upon my father.. Yet it never happened. Not even one time. And I started to think that God is choosing side. But I was wrong. No, God never choose side. He is neutral. My father left me, my brother, my sister and my mom, for other woman. My mom has to work day in , day out just to make sure me, my brother, and my sister have something to eat. I used to cry everyday. Until one day I changed my prayer. I prayed for the healthy life of my father..for his happiness. I started to understand that time, God wants to change my father, but first, He wants to change me. Pray keeps my sanity. Pray changes my hatred into love. Pray teaches me to forgive. I imagined if my father never left me that day. Today, I will not be who I am. I can't share any stories to people. Things happened because they have to. And when you started to accept those things that happened, you start to forgive others..and yourself."

Forgive Yourself.

I know some people are having a really hard time to forgive themselves. Some people put this high pressure above their head. Some people let others perception becoming their reality. Friends, maybe you can't accept your weakness, maybe other people can't too, but God can. It's time to let it go.

The famous story from bible about a woman who committed adultery and caught straight away by Pharisees, we can learn from there. When everyone look at her as a prostitute, everyone was so eager to throw that stone, Jesus wasn't. He didn't see her past. The Pharisees said, "Hey Jesus , let's throw stone at her.. It's written in the law.. She's sinner!". If Jesus wasn't Jesus , He would say , "You were right! Pffftttt what a shame, girl.. I have to punish you too..". But Jesus didn't say that. He said, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." (John 8:7). He even said this to her, "Neither do I condemn you: go, and sin no more." (John 8:11). People saw her as a sinner..prostitute. Jesus saw her as a human.

Or maybe we can learn from Peter. Peter was the number one apostle. Jesus said to him that he will be given the key to open the gate door of heaven. Yet, he lied about Jesus not once but three times. When Jesus needed him the most, he's gone. I can't imagine how he felt that time. Full of regrets. Sad. Guilty. Disappointed. But, when Jesus rose from the dead, He only asked this question to Peter: "Do you love me?" and Peter answered yes. And that happened for three times (John 21:15-17).

If Jesus wasn't Jesus, He would say, "Well.. well.. well.. Peter, so you lied about Me three times, didn't you?".

"Oh..gosh.. My Lord... I..I.. I..."

"Cut it off Peter.. You really disappoint me.. I guess there will be no key of heaven for you.. bye."

Jesus didn't focus on what has been done, what has gone wrong, but He focus on love and future.

Friends, don't put too much pressure on yourself. I have seen people that condemn themselves, said to themselves "I am a failure", "My life is so hard", "I don't have anything left", and other sentences with a lot of negativity in them. Relax and laid back for a moment. God accept your weakness. God forgive you even before you ask for it. So forgive yourself and don't be too hard on yourself.

Slow Down..and Move On.

We live in a fast world where everything has to be fast. When you ask for forgiveness or when you want to forgive yourself, I suggest slow down. Don't expect results over night. It takes time. Move one step at a time. Keep praying.

I will share you one more story before I end this journal.

I have a friend, a girl, who has been cheated by her boyfriend not just once but up to 4 times!

She said to me one day, "Martin, my friends said that they saw my boyfriend is dating another girl .. they saw him at the mall.. what should I do?'

"You sure your friends don't lie?"

"No! They are my best friends! They won't lie!"

I said, "Ok, go talk to him and cut him loose.. broke up with him. He doesn't love you.."

"Okay!" she said with full of spirit that time.

Few weeks later, she came to me again, this time with a little bit of tears, "Martin, my boyfriend has cheated me again.."

I was quite shocked and asked her, "Which boyfriend?"

"The old one.. I didn't break up with him.. When I talked to him, he convinced me that he loves me! He said that he will broke up with that girl.. He did! But he starts another relationship with another girl.."

"My suggestion is still the same.. leave him.."

She nodded her head and left.

One month later, she came to me again, this time few tears have dropped down to her cheeks, "Martin, he did it again!"

"Who did what?"

"My boyfriend! I forgive him two times yet he still cheat on me!"

"My suggestion, do you still want to hear it?"

"Yes!" she said with eager.

"Leave him!"

"This time for sure!" she said and swept her tears away.

Two months later, she came to me again, this time she cried like a drama queen star, "Martin, my boyfriend has left me for another girl! And this time for real!"

"What do you expect?" I asked.

"I forgive him three times..I expect he never ever left me.."

"Well you need him and it looks like you are in a wrong lane. Listen, need and love are two different things. Forgive and go back together are two different things too! When you forgive him, it doesn't mean you have to be together with him..he doesn't need your love.. he needs your tough love!"

Friends, forgiveness doesn't mean you have to be together anymore. Forgiveness isn't about you lend some money to your friend and then he took away your money, and you forgive him, then you lend him money again just for him to take it away again! That isn't forgiveness. Forgiveness is about freedom! Free from the pain, free from tears, free from hatred, free from anger..

I hope you can forgive the others. I hope you can forgive yourself. And if you find you can't, remember that God has forgiven you, even before you asked. So, let others and yourself enjoy the same blessing... A blessing of forgiveness.

-M-

Journal of Hope

I read the newspaper or even news on the internet, I found it was kinda easy to find news about suicidal. It's so sad. My question is : why. Why people lose their purpose? Why people lose their determination? Why people lose their hope? In the U.S. , young people from age 19 to 24 , the rate to commit suicide is 12.7% out of 100,000 people. Which means 12,700 young people gone from this world per year because they kill themselves. Hard, cold, sad fact.

A Glimpse of Hope

Hope, simple yet powerful word. Talk about hope then let God be your master of hope.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

God plans is bigger than yours. That's why you failed. That's why you stumbled. That's why you feel pain. That's why you feel hurt. That's why sometimes your plan didn't work. We are planning something that we thought it's going to make us happy, but it isn't God's plan, it is your plan. God only has one plan which is to prosper you and not to harm you! To give you hope and future! And that's it that. He doesn't sit down in heaven and talk with His angels, "Hmmm Martin did it again. He commits the same sin , day in , day out. Ok, let's leave him be. I failed. He's a stubborn guy."

Friends let me tell you today, God will stick with His plan to make you happy! God will do whatever it takes to push you to the happy ending He already prepares for you!

"But Martin, how come God wants me to be happy when my parents are sick, my business goes bankrupt, I'm out of job, my kids don't want to speak with me no more, my wife cheated behind my back, how come there is still hope?"

What is your image of God?

Maybe people around you do care about your past, but God doesn't. Have you ever heard the name of Saint Afra? A martyr and a saint. Do you know what she used to be in the past? A prostitute! Yes she was. And yet God still loves her.

People will ask you about your past, about what you've done, they maybe will judge from your mistakes. I believe God is a happy God. He doesn't care about your past. What you used to be. He only cares about who you are going to be. That's because I believe He is a loving father who will run to hug you when you come back home. A father who will throw a party to celebrate that you have come back home. He will sing a song for you. He will play a guitar for you and even He will dance with you to celebrate!

But some people put the same image of their unloving parents and plot it into God's image, who likes to hit them. They put their ignorant friends image into God's image, who don't even care about you at all. Hope comes from the image you form. How come you can hang your hope if you think and see that God is an angry God? It's impossible. You have to change your image of God first.

Are you trying to breathe under water?

Imagine one day you are in the middle of swimming pool, 2 meters deep. You are not swimming, you are drowning! You move your hands and legs randomly. It doesn't help. You feel that the water starts to fill your mouth and the water starts to feel like it sucks you down.

Problems are like water. It drowns you. Some people will think "That's it that..my life has ended.. I can't swim..I'm dead.."

Friends, when you are under water, you will see the sky is blurry. You feel that you can't breathe, but that's because you are still under water! You can't see well, you can't speak well, you can't move freely or jump, that's because you are still under water! You feel there is no hope.. Your problems are bigger than you.. Everything falls into pieces.. Everything goes wrong.. That's because you are still 'under water'! But help is coming!

God is your life guard. He watches you all the time. When you are drowning , He knows it. He runs and dives straight into the water, its us who like to do the unbelievable.. Instead of letting God helps us, we are trying to breathe under water! Some people feel comfort to be under water and start to breathe! Of course it hurts.. of course you can't hold on.. We are not fish, we are humans.. God designed us to live here, above the water, on the ground. Where you can see the sky is clear, where you can breathe easily, you can jump and move freely! God's plan is for us to be happy.. That's why real happiness is only come from God. People can give you pleasure, but when it comes to happiness, rely on God.

Diamond in the making

God wants you to be a diamond. To make one isn't easy. It has to go through a cutting process. Cut is soft word. It has to be sawed to become one!

Coal and diamond are made from the same basic material, but diamonds are being sawed, the pressure is high. It is because diamond is so strong and unbreakable. Hardness, from scale 1 to 10 , diamond is at 10.

Are you a coal or are you a diamond? God wants you to be a diamond. The question is, do you want to become one? If the answer is yes , then be glad if you are under pressure now. That is a sign from God that you are going through the cutting process and your time to shine is coming.

Right now, maybe your family is falling apart. Your father always gets angry , your mother doesn't care about you, your brother is making a mess and dragging you into trouble. You even barely talk with each other anymore.

Maybe you failed to build a relationship. Someone special left you, just like that. Someone you love and trust, left you without saying a word or feel sorry at all. You feel down. Your heart is shattered into pieces. You feel disappointed.

Some of you feel tired and sick with your jobs. You give your heart and soul for your jobs, but your boss doesn't even say a thing when you were right, when you were wrong, hell broken lose. You just feel fed up and want to go out.

Friends, there is hope. Don't give up, because God will never give up on you. You are under water now, but help is coming and your time to live above water and breathe fresh air is about to come. Don't stop believing, because God is believe in your future, He doesn't care about your past! You feel the pressure is high. The pain is unbearable. That's because you are a diamond! You are God's diamond! You are worthed in His eyes. He loves you so much and sacrifices His own son to save us. Put your hope in Him. Feel His love today. See that hope today.

-M-

Journal of Anger

People said life is simple .. u make a decision and never look back.. I agree.

Life is full of promises.. some will be done..some will be gone with the air. Believe me.. promise is good. But its better if u don't swallow it right down into your throat. People just saying happy things to make u happy , when it comes the time to deliver that promise, they will say 'Sorry I just can't...' . Their sorry have value , your sorry? None at all.

Love is even more complicated and painful. It's so easy to say 'I love u' when u are happy, when that adrenaline kicks ur brain the hell out of your head. It's so easy to say 'I miss u' when u are far away and ur adrenaline controls ur brain. It's easy to say 'I wanna hug u', 'I want to go to the mall with u', 'Kiss for u', 'Honey', when everything goes right. My question is where is the love when u need it the most? Gone. Where is the love when u made mistake? Gone. All there is left to say is 'We don't match each other anymore.' When things go wrong, they even don't want to hold your hands like you have some diseases.. like u are a garbage. They don't even want to touch u somehow. Lover is just like 2 people on a boat. When a waves hit the boat, the other one starts to blame u for ur mistake.. they don't want to hear ur explanation. They don't even care that u already hurt and tired. They just leave the boat whether u like it or not... and there u are.. all alone again... paddle ur way..with tears streaming down ur face..u hope that they will give a shit..but they don't. They are gone already.

Kindness.... this one is just...unspeakable sometimes. How many times have u done nice things in ur life? Many times. How many times it will cross people mind that u have done something nice in their life? Rarely..close to 0. All that sacrifice to show that we are kind enough , sometimes just gone. People won't even remember it. People tend to forget quick when it comes to kindness. When u did something bad.. people will always remember it. Stick to their heart. They all of a sudden can't forget about it. They don't even say 'thanks' when u are nice, but when u made mistake they don't wanna hear ur sorry. Things go mad. Hell broken lose. All of good things u have done gone.. they won't even remember it. They even don't want to look at it. They only see ur negativity somehow.

Anger.... I'm angry by the time I wrote this. Yes I am. I'm in incredible pain by the time I wrote this. Yes I am. They said I'm childish..they said I'm not gentle.. I said ask urself first..Have u put some respect for me? I'm mad. Yes I am. I'm just human with this kind of emotion. Anger is one of the emotion I have. U stomp on my pride. U disrespect me. U already made decision but act as if there is still hope. Don't give me hope when there is none. Don't give me promises u can't deliver. Don't say u love me when u can't love in the end.

People said life is simple.. u make a decision and never look back. I made mine. My decision is not to look back.

-M-