THE GIFT

Everyday Is A Gift Day

I love a gift. Well, who doesn’t? Everyone loves it. Especially a gift from our loved ones. It shows that person care about us. Even the smallest gift could mean so much.

I remember back then when I was 6-8 years old, I loved Christmas so much. I still do love Christmas up until now. It just “the love” that is different. When I was a kid, I didn’t really care about the Mass, what I cared about was the event after the Mass, which was meet with Santa at mall !

I loved Santa! I remember that he called us one by one, sit on his lap and we got gift! When I opened the present…. TAAADAAAAAAA… Dragon Ball’s action figure! Loved it! Santa always gave me present every year. I thought that he was a real Santa that could read my mind and gave me what I want.

When I grow up, I realize that Santa is just a man. A man in a costume. I still love him though. Not because I still want to sit on his lap and get a present (his thigh might be broken if I do that), but simply because Santa is a symbil of a “giver” not a “taker”. And now I know that the real giver is God. God is abundance. He has this huge room full of gifts and He wants us to have it.

How do I know God has so much gifts? Free air, free sun light, food we ate, family we have, friends, love, aren’t they gifts? Day by day we are going through is a gift from Him. If Santa comes once in a year. Then, He comes with gifts every single day!

It’s still Friday!

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

(John 3 : 16)

Speaking about gift, God gave the only Son He has as a gift to us. I can’t imagine and I don’t want to imagine when people have to lose his son for the others that they even don’t know. But God did that! He loves us! He loves me! He loves you!

However, there might be questions like :

• “If God really loves me then why things don’t go my way?”

• “Why do I face difficulties everyday?”

• “Why this happen to me? Why that happened?”

Well, the answer is simply because today is still “Friday”! On Friday, everything goes wrong! Rain hits! Storm is here! Nothing seems right. But don’t worry, Sunday is coming!

The things you are going through now make you tired, it is because today is still Friday. On Friday, Jesus being caught. His friends left Him. Peter lied about Him. Jesus being tortured. Blood spilled everywhere. A crown full with thorn put on His head. He was being punched, kicked. His face full with bloods, sweats, tears. Soldiers spit on Him. His face being slapped. Women were crying. His clothes were torn apart. And finally He was crucified. But that was Friday.

Come Sunday, He was risen from the dead. Everybody throws a party. Angels came down from Heaven. His disciples busy spreading this good news. No more tears. No more cries. Women were so happy when that found out that Jesus has rose from the dead. Everybody happy. Smiles were everywhere. Sunday is coming to your life.

An Eagle

Mr and Mrs Eagle is a happy couple with one son, Eagle Jr. When Mrs. Eagle gave birth to Eagle Jr., she brings Eagle Jr. to the top of mountain. Mr and Mrs Eagle, together they build a home for their son. They build a beautiful nest. Very comfortable and very warm place for Eagle Jr.

But a few years after that, come the time for Eagle Jr. to learn to fly. Mr and Mrs Eagle teach their son using the hardest way. Mrs Eagle throws her son from the top of the mountain. Eagle Jr. is wondering “Why mom is so mean to me? Heeelllllppppp!!! I’m going to die!!” . All of a sudden, Mr Eagle catches Eagle Jr., put his son back on the nest. The little eagle hasn’t finished catch his breath, Mrs Eagle throws him down again! And it is happening many many many times for a day.

Eagle Jr. thought that “Ok, it was crazy. Now is the time to eat.” When he was a little bird. Mommy would give him the yummy worms for him. Delivered to his nest. But now, there is no food! No yummy yummy worms inside his nest. Mommy puts it outside. So, Eagle Jr. climbs his nest and goes outside. When he does that, the thorns from the nest sometimes hit his wings. Blood is dripping.

Why the Eagles did that? Because Eagles want their kid to be extraordinary. Eagles are different from any other birds. They don’t fly. They soar in the sky! That’s why now tears are flowing, body is exhausting, mind is very tired. God doesn’t enjoy that. But He wants you to be extraordinary! He wants you to soar in the sky! God wants you to receive His gifts!

God always love you :)

-M-

Journal of Happiness

Once upon a time, in an island somewhere over the sea, there was a jungle. Inside that jungle lived only plants and animals, there was no humans inside that jungle.

On a big tree, there were two monkeys, Monkey A and Monkey B. They had small talk over a few of bananas.

Monkey A said to Monkey B, "Hey B, you know what, this jungle is not the same anymore."

"Why?" asked B.

A said, "Well.. look at these bananas.. They do not taste as good as they used to anymore..The colors are not so bright. You know the waters that flow through the middle river? It does not taste fresh these days. And to make it even worse, last night when I tried to climb a tree, I accidentally stepped on lion's head. It got very angry and hunted me down to the end of this woods! Luckily I could find another big tree, but when I climbed it, I stepped on a thorn from that tree! My feet was bleeding.. I guess I'm going to die soon." A started to look down with a long face.

But Monkey B laughed so hard and tapped Monkey A's back and said, "Hey A, I live in the same woods just like you do, remember? We eat bananas from the same tree, we drink from the same river, we even sleep in the same tree! But look at the big smile in my face! You want to know why? Let me tell you my secret."

1. Count What You Have , Not What You Lost

"A, you set your happiness rule too high. You only feel happy when the bananas are looking and taste like you want it. The same things goes to the water. You feel happy when trees are clean from thorn, but for me , I'm happy because I can eat and drink and have place to sleep at night. That is what makes me happy."

Let me interrupt those monkey's stories with some inspiration for you. The secret of happiness does not lying outside there, the secret is inside yourself. You are the one who have the complete control of your own happiness. It is your decision, your rules. Set simple rules for happiness , do not set the bar too high, do not push yourself too hard, do not put too much pressure on yourself. I'm not saying that you should just giving up everything in this life. No, I'm not telling you to be lazy or to be a person that easy to give up on everything! Do not get me wrong, there is a big different being lazy and being simple.

Being simple means that things does not have to happen just like what you want but you still can be happy. For example, you want today to be a sunny day because you just washed your car earlier. Not just washed it, but you also waxed it from the back, front, up, even down! It looks very shiny so when people want to look at your car they have to wear sunglasses! But when you drive your car out of your garage, rain starts fall down and bam!!! your car now looks dirty again. If you are a simple person, if you set your happiness bar low enough, you will be happy! Why? Your rules to happiness is low! You change your mind from "I'll be happy if.." into "I am happy because.." . If the rules is high , you will say "I'll be happy if today is a sunny day." , if the rules is low , you will say "I am happy because I still have a car." If your rules to happiness is simple and low, believe me, you will have happitude..the attitude of happy people.

Happitude is the attitude of happy people. Happy people like to count what they have and not what they lost! If you look at your problems and you put microscope over it, you start to talk about it everyday, mourn over it every time, moan about it every single second and analyze it like an economic crisis, you will not be happy. Friends, believe me when I say this.. God is a happy God. Why would a happy God give you less happiness and more problems? No, He won't! He ALWAYS give you more blessings than problems! ALWAYS..all the time.

2. Bad Things Make Space for Good Things

"A, you know, maybe the foods and waters and trees are not like the way you want them to be. But you still have to be thankful. Because maybe the bananas are not so good right now, we eat them now, so tomorrow this banana trees will grow even better bananas for us to eat. The waters maybe does not taste fresh but it has flow now! And fresher waters will flow! Your feet was bleeding, but now you know which tree is dangerous to climb!"

Monkey A started to nodded his head.

Friends, I know people want to live a very peaceful life. I know because I want it too. I understand that people do not want pain. I know because I do not want it too. But to gain more blessings, you need more spaces. Friends, give thanks to God for the empty spaces in your life.

That's why your boyfriend left you. He just left you without any reason. You were being dumped. Thank God , now He can send a better man for you. That's why your girlfriend cheated on you. She left you because you are not good enough according to her. Thank God, so He can send a woman who loves you for whoever you are.

That's why you are out of your job now. You were retrenched. Thank God and believe that you can get a better job out there!

When bad things happen, you have two choices. Either you give up or you take it as an empty spaces in your life that very soon will be filled by God with even more blessings. Happiness is a choice, my friends.

3. God's Love

"A, my final secret is this, look around us. There are foods, waters, and trees, also loose soil. Even there are so many different kinds of plants here! We have so many friends! There are so many different kinds of animals here! We never feel lonely, right?"

A smiled and hugged his friend, "Thank you so much, B!!"

The most important key to happiness is love, especially God's love.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life."

God loves this world so much. God loves YOU so much. He gave everything for this world..for you also. We are busy looking for God's blessings, the truth is that we already surrounded by it! We just can't see it sometimes. To be happy is to believe that God loves you.

We are too busy to look for our own accomplishment..our own success, but we miss to look out for God's love. I am not saying that you can't be success. Success is important, that's true. Accomplishment is important, that's also true. However, do not rely your happiness on what you have achieved. Do not rely your happiness on what is temporary. Rely it onto something that last forever.. The love of God.

No matter how much money you have now, you will not bring it when you are gone.

Your car, so expensive, so shiny, looking so cool now, one day it will be rusty.

Your house, so big , so beautiful, one day you will leave it and someone else will own it.

If your happiness depends on these things, believe me, it will gone...puuufffff... just like the wind. Jesus wants you to find eternal happiness , not temporary one. Seek your happiness in God's love. Believe that God loves you.. He has your picture in His room.. He always thinking about you all the time.. He sits in front of his laptop everyday, waiting for you to go online and have some chat with Him.. He even saves your picture in His wallet! He has written your name in His heart!

Be happy!

-M-

Journal of Forgiveness

I love drawing book! Not just like it, but I love it! I remember when I was a kid, I use it all the time to draw what I wanted. But the other main things beside the book itself were pencil and eraser. When I wanted to draw a mountain and I made a mistake, I just erased it. That's what we supposed to do too in our daily life.

Forgive Others.

Whether you have realized it or not, forgiveness is against our nature. We, naturally, do not have the capability to forgive. Our nature is to destroy. That's why when someone hurt us, we want them to feel the pain too. That's why when someone lie to us, we can't go to them and smile and hug them. That's why when someone disappoint us, we want to kick, punch, slam, and slice them apart! (okay, I know that was too exaggerating..).

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22)

Jesus said we have to forgive someone up to seventy seven times (based on international version) or in the North America version, Jesus said we have to forgive someone up to seventy times seven! Let's do the math.. 70 x 7 = 490.. If there are 18 people that hurt you and for every 1 person that hurt you, you need 490 prayer, that means 490 x 18 = 8,820 prayers! Okay, enough with the math..it's holiday.

8,820 prayers show that forgiveness isn't easy and takes time. I will talk about it later though.

When you forgive someone , it doesn't mean you forget them. People sometimes confuse between the lines of forgive and forget. Forgive doesn't equal forget. They are 2 different things. I still remember though who used to bully me, who took away my money, who lied to me, who cheated behind my back, who pretended to be nice to me just for their own good, who pretended to be friends yet they left me when I needed them the most, yet I already forgive them. How? Pray.

I have a friend who had this grudge for his father for many years. Yet, now he's free from hatred. No more grudge, no more tears, no more anger.. only smile and he isn't shame to share his stories.. anytime. I asked him that one time, how come he could forgive his father that he used to hate so much, he gave me this beautiful answer. "To forgive means to accept. To accept your conditions were never easy. I used to feel hatred deep down inside.. I prayed for bad things that I wish fell upon my father.. Yet it never happened. Not even one time. And I started to think that God is choosing side. But I was wrong. No, God never choose side. He is neutral. My father left me, my brother, my sister and my mom, for other woman. My mom has to work day in , day out just to make sure me, my brother, and my sister have something to eat. I used to cry everyday. Until one day I changed my prayer. I prayed for the healthy life of my father..for his happiness. I started to understand that time, God wants to change my father, but first, He wants to change me. Pray keeps my sanity. Pray changes my hatred into love. Pray teaches me to forgive. I imagined if my father never left me that day. Today, I will not be who I am. I can't share any stories to people. Things happened because they have to. And when you started to accept those things that happened, you start to forgive others..and yourself."

Forgive Yourself.

I know some people are having a really hard time to forgive themselves. Some people put this high pressure above their head. Some people let others perception becoming their reality. Friends, maybe you can't accept your weakness, maybe other people can't too, but God can. It's time to let it go.

The famous story from bible about a woman who committed adultery and caught straight away by Pharisees, we can learn from there. When everyone look at her as a prostitute, everyone was so eager to throw that stone, Jesus wasn't. He didn't see her past. The Pharisees said, "Hey Jesus , let's throw stone at her.. It's written in the law.. She's sinner!". If Jesus wasn't Jesus , He would say , "You were right! Pffftttt what a shame, girl.. I have to punish you too..". But Jesus didn't say that. He said, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." (John 8:7). He even said this to her, "Neither do I condemn you: go, and sin no more." (John 8:11). People saw her as a sinner..prostitute. Jesus saw her as a human.

Or maybe we can learn from Peter. Peter was the number one apostle. Jesus said to him that he will be given the key to open the gate door of heaven. Yet, he lied about Jesus not once but three times. When Jesus needed him the most, he's gone. I can't imagine how he felt that time. Full of regrets. Sad. Guilty. Disappointed. But, when Jesus rose from the dead, He only asked this question to Peter: "Do you love me?" and Peter answered yes. And that happened for three times (John 21:15-17).

If Jesus wasn't Jesus, He would say, "Well.. well.. well.. Peter, so you lied about Me three times, didn't you?".

"Oh..gosh.. My Lord... I..I.. I..."

"Cut it off Peter.. You really disappoint me.. I guess there will be no key of heaven for you.. bye."

Jesus didn't focus on what has been done, what has gone wrong, but He focus on love and future.

Friends, don't put too much pressure on yourself. I have seen people that condemn themselves, said to themselves "I am a failure", "My life is so hard", "I don't have anything left", and other sentences with a lot of negativity in them. Relax and laid back for a moment. God accept your weakness. God forgive you even before you ask for it. So forgive yourself and don't be too hard on yourself.

Slow Down..and Move On.

We live in a fast world where everything has to be fast. When you ask for forgiveness or when you want to forgive yourself, I suggest slow down. Don't expect results over night. It takes time. Move one step at a time. Keep praying.

I will share you one more story before I end this journal.

I have a friend, a girl, who has been cheated by her boyfriend not just once but up to 4 times!

She said to me one day, "Martin, my friends said that they saw my boyfriend is dating another girl .. they saw him at the mall.. what should I do?'

"You sure your friends don't lie?"

"No! They are my best friends! They won't lie!"

I said, "Ok, go talk to him and cut him loose.. broke up with him. He doesn't love you.."

"Okay!" she said with full of spirit that time.

Few weeks later, she came to me again, this time with a little bit of tears, "Martin, my boyfriend has cheated me again.."

I was quite shocked and asked her, "Which boyfriend?"

"The old one.. I didn't break up with him.. When I talked to him, he convinced me that he loves me! He said that he will broke up with that girl.. He did! But he starts another relationship with another girl.."

"My suggestion is still the same.. leave him.."

She nodded her head and left.

One month later, she came to me again, this time few tears have dropped down to her cheeks, "Martin, he did it again!"

"Who did what?"

"My boyfriend! I forgive him two times yet he still cheat on me!"

"My suggestion, do you still want to hear it?"

"Yes!" she said with eager.

"Leave him!"

"This time for sure!" she said and swept her tears away.

Two months later, she came to me again, this time she cried like a drama queen star, "Martin, my boyfriend has left me for another girl! And this time for real!"

"What do you expect?" I asked.

"I forgive him three times..I expect he never ever left me.."

"Well you need him and it looks like you are in a wrong lane. Listen, need and love are two different things. Forgive and go back together are two different things too! When you forgive him, it doesn't mean you have to be together with him..he doesn't need your love.. he needs your tough love!"

Friends, forgiveness doesn't mean you have to be together anymore. Forgiveness isn't about you lend some money to your friend and then he took away your money, and you forgive him, then you lend him money again just for him to take it away again! That isn't forgiveness. Forgiveness is about freedom! Free from the pain, free from tears, free from hatred, free from anger..

I hope you can forgive the others. I hope you can forgive yourself. And if you find you can't, remember that God has forgiven you, even before you asked. So, let others and yourself enjoy the same blessing... A blessing of forgiveness.

-M-

Journal of Hope

I read the newspaper or even news on the internet, I found it was kinda easy to find news about suicidal. It's so sad. My question is : why. Why people lose their purpose? Why people lose their determination? Why people lose their hope? In the U.S. , young people from age 19 to 24 , the rate to commit suicide is 12.7% out of 100,000 people. Which means 12,700 young people gone from this world per year because they kill themselves. Hard, cold, sad fact.

A Glimpse of Hope

Hope, simple yet powerful word. Talk about hope then let God be your master of hope.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

God plans is bigger than yours. That's why you failed. That's why you stumbled. That's why you feel pain. That's why you feel hurt. That's why sometimes your plan didn't work. We are planning something that we thought it's going to make us happy, but it isn't God's plan, it is your plan. God only has one plan which is to prosper you and not to harm you! To give you hope and future! And that's it that. He doesn't sit down in heaven and talk with His angels, "Hmmm Martin did it again. He commits the same sin , day in , day out. Ok, let's leave him be. I failed. He's a stubborn guy."

Friends let me tell you today, God will stick with His plan to make you happy! God will do whatever it takes to push you to the happy ending He already prepares for you!

"But Martin, how come God wants me to be happy when my parents are sick, my business goes bankrupt, I'm out of job, my kids don't want to speak with me no more, my wife cheated behind my back, how come there is still hope?"

What is your image of God?

Maybe people around you do care about your past, but God doesn't. Have you ever heard the name of Saint Afra? A martyr and a saint. Do you know what she used to be in the past? A prostitute! Yes she was. And yet God still loves her.

People will ask you about your past, about what you've done, they maybe will judge from your mistakes. I believe God is a happy God. He doesn't care about your past. What you used to be. He only cares about who you are going to be. That's because I believe He is a loving father who will run to hug you when you come back home. A father who will throw a party to celebrate that you have come back home. He will sing a song for you. He will play a guitar for you and even He will dance with you to celebrate!

But some people put the same image of their unloving parents and plot it into God's image, who likes to hit them. They put their ignorant friends image into God's image, who don't even care about you at all. Hope comes from the image you form. How come you can hang your hope if you think and see that God is an angry God? It's impossible. You have to change your image of God first.

Are you trying to breathe under water?

Imagine one day you are in the middle of swimming pool, 2 meters deep. You are not swimming, you are drowning! You move your hands and legs randomly. It doesn't help. You feel that the water starts to fill your mouth and the water starts to feel like it sucks you down.

Problems are like water. It drowns you. Some people will think "That's it that..my life has ended.. I can't swim..I'm dead.."

Friends, when you are under water, you will see the sky is blurry. You feel that you can't breathe, but that's because you are still under water! You can't see well, you can't speak well, you can't move freely or jump, that's because you are still under water! You feel there is no hope.. Your problems are bigger than you.. Everything falls into pieces.. Everything goes wrong.. That's because you are still 'under water'! But help is coming!

God is your life guard. He watches you all the time. When you are drowning , He knows it. He runs and dives straight into the water, its us who like to do the unbelievable.. Instead of letting God helps us, we are trying to breathe under water! Some people feel comfort to be under water and start to breathe! Of course it hurts.. of course you can't hold on.. We are not fish, we are humans.. God designed us to live here, above the water, on the ground. Where you can see the sky is clear, where you can breathe easily, you can jump and move freely! God's plan is for us to be happy.. That's why real happiness is only come from God. People can give you pleasure, but when it comes to happiness, rely on God.

Diamond in the making

God wants you to be a diamond. To make one isn't easy. It has to go through a cutting process. Cut is soft word. It has to be sawed to become one!

Coal and diamond are made from the same basic material, but diamonds are being sawed, the pressure is high. It is because diamond is so strong and unbreakable. Hardness, from scale 1 to 10 , diamond is at 10.

Are you a coal or are you a diamond? God wants you to be a diamond. The question is, do you want to become one? If the answer is yes , then be glad if you are under pressure now. That is a sign from God that you are going through the cutting process and your time to shine is coming.

Right now, maybe your family is falling apart. Your father always gets angry , your mother doesn't care about you, your brother is making a mess and dragging you into trouble. You even barely talk with each other anymore.

Maybe you failed to build a relationship. Someone special left you, just like that. Someone you love and trust, left you without saying a word or feel sorry at all. You feel down. Your heart is shattered into pieces. You feel disappointed.

Some of you feel tired and sick with your jobs. You give your heart and soul for your jobs, but your boss doesn't even say a thing when you were right, when you were wrong, hell broken lose. You just feel fed up and want to go out.

Friends, there is hope. Don't give up, because God will never give up on you. You are under water now, but help is coming and your time to live above water and breathe fresh air is about to come. Don't stop believing, because God is believe in your future, He doesn't care about your past! You feel the pressure is high. The pain is unbearable. That's because you are a diamond! You are God's diamond! You are worthed in His eyes. He loves you so much and sacrifices His own son to save us. Put your hope in Him. Feel His love today. See that hope today.

-M-

Journal of Anger

People said life is simple .. u make a decision and never look back.. I agree.

Life is full of promises.. some will be done..some will be gone with the air. Believe me.. promise is good. But its better if u don't swallow it right down into your throat. People just saying happy things to make u happy , when it comes the time to deliver that promise, they will say 'Sorry I just can't...' . Their sorry have value , your sorry? None at all.

Love is even more complicated and painful. It's so easy to say 'I love u' when u are happy, when that adrenaline kicks ur brain the hell out of your head. It's so easy to say 'I miss u' when u are far away and ur adrenaline controls ur brain. It's easy to say 'I wanna hug u', 'I want to go to the mall with u', 'Kiss for u', 'Honey', when everything goes right. My question is where is the love when u need it the most? Gone. Where is the love when u made mistake? Gone. All there is left to say is 'We don't match each other anymore.' When things go wrong, they even don't want to hold your hands like you have some diseases.. like u are a garbage. They don't even want to touch u somehow. Lover is just like 2 people on a boat. When a waves hit the boat, the other one starts to blame u for ur mistake.. they don't want to hear ur explanation. They don't even care that u already hurt and tired. They just leave the boat whether u like it or not... and there u are.. all alone again... paddle ur way..with tears streaming down ur face..u hope that they will give a shit..but they don't. They are gone already.

Kindness.... this one is just...unspeakable sometimes. How many times have u done nice things in ur life? Many times. How many times it will cross people mind that u have done something nice in their life? Rarely..close to 0. All that sacrifice to show that we are kind enough , sometimes just gone. People won't even remember it. People tend to forget quick when it comes to kindness. When u did something bad.. people will always remember it. Stick to their heart. They all of a sudden can't forget about it. They don't even say 'thanks' when u are nice, but when u made mistake they don't wanna hear ur sorry. Things go mad. Hell broken lose. All of good things u have done gone.. they won't even remember it. They even don't want to look at it. They only see ur negativity somehow.

Anger.... I'm angry by the time I wrote this. Yes I am. I'm in incredible pain by the time I wrote this. Yes I am. They said I'm childish..they said I'm not gentle.. I said ask urself first..Have u put some respect for me? I'm mad. Yes I am. I'm just human with this kind of emotion. Anger is one of the emotion I have. U stomp on my pride. U disrespect me. U already made decision but act as if there is still hope. Don't give me hope when there is none. Don't give me promises u can't deliver. Don't say u love me when u can't love in the end.

People said life is simple.. u make a decision and never look back. I made mine. My decision is not to look back.

-M-

Journal Of Time

Today, I'm going to share with you a simple and short journal. Some people think that life is hanging by a rope, whereby when you are still young, you got nothing to worry about. You can live your life careless. You can live your life without rules, without respect, without scared, and to some youngsters...without God.

The truth is our life hanging by a thread. A thin, simple, and so fragile thread. A baby, even before they were born can be died inside his mom's womb. Every second, every moment, anyone in this world can be gone. Statistics said that every second, around 3 people died in this world. Tikkkk ...tookkk.. tikkkk... tokkk... 12 people gone. That someone could be the one we know or we care about or ... we love.

Believe me when I said we are waiting for a bus from heaven to pick us up. How, when, where, I don't know. What I know is that it will come for certain. It will come for every one of us in this world without exception, whether we are ready or not. The question is what are we doing while we are waiting?

I will share with you 2 stories.

Meet Mark, a successful business man with a beautiful wife and a beautiful daughter. He used to live in Germany. He has everything, money, luxury cars, a huge house. Every single thing to show how success he is. Long story short, he moved to Australia to expand his business. He made the biggest mistake ever, cheat on his wife for another woman! Soon enough his wife found out his lies. She asked for a divorce and it happened.

A few years later, financial crisis is coming. His business is starting to go down, down, down, and finally got bankrupt. His new wife left him. He has no place to stay. The worst thing is he has no family. His daughter refused to see him and his ex wife did not want to see him either. He is homeless, jobless, and as if that is not bad enough, he is starting to get sick. Coughing all the time. Someone from the church said that maybe he has lung cancer... and from the look of things, he is going to die alone.

Anna is another story. She has a son and a daughter and a nice husband. One day, she felt something wrong with her chest. She went to the doctor. The doctor said, "I'm sorry Mrs. Anna, you have a breast cancer". She was shocked! "How much time do I have, doctor?". "Well , maybe around 4 months..I'm so sorry to inform you this."

But she refused to give up. She said, "I still have to take care of my children and my husband. I have to be there when my children are getting married. I want to live to cook every single night for my family. I want to teach my daughter how to play a violin." She went home and instantly, everything is changed! She hugs her children tightly, spend more time with her family, she enjoys every single second that she has in her life. Why? Because she knows she is dying. But now, she is completely healed and still live her beautiful life.

Friends, our waiting time is our living time. Different people, spend it differently. But dying people are the one who spend their time the most wisely. Simply because they know they have to create moments. Let me repeat the key word, MOMENTS. At the end of the day, you will realize moments are all we have.

I have 2 friends that have passed away. They left me a message about how to live a life with the time we have, well if I can change the word me into 'us', then they left us a message... live a life as if we are dying. We are not dying, but we are 'dying'. We are hanging by a thread, it is so thin and can be easily cut down anytime. That's why we are 'dying'. Every single second counts. Every moment counts. Every little things we do while we are waiting.....count.

Tonight, some people will come home and moan about their works, their boss, their friends.

Tonight, some people will complain about their family, the traffic, the weather, the food.

Tonight, some people will angry about their life, their cars, their house.

But tonight, some people will realize that we are 'dying' and start to live a life like a dying man.

-M-

Note : this journal is dedicated to my friends, Milke Angelia and David Enggar. May you guys rest in peace and have a good time in heaven. GBU. =)

Journal of Pain

Few years ago, I had a surgery for my tooth, 4 of them. They had to go out of my mouth because they don't grow up normally. Thank God the surgery went just fine and U know what, when they cut it out and took them out, I couldn't even feel the pain. It almost like there was no pain at all. But the real pain came after the surgery. Yes, I couldn't eat a daily, normal food. No rice, noodles, bread, etc. Only liquid and something like porridge or soup. To make things worse , after the drugs went away, I start to feel the pain! So I couldn't open my mouth properly and widely, otherwise it would inflict more pain. I don't like it. I don't like pain. I try to avoid pain.

What is pain? Good question. Pain means hurt for some people. Hurt physically, hurt spiritually. Pain is something that I don't like. U don't like. We don't like.

U run very fast and your foot slip, U bump your face into the ground. Blood comes out from your nose. U feel hurt. That's pain.

U trust somebody with all your heart and soul. But they left U. They cheated on U. They disappoint U. They hurt U. That's pain.

My friends, pain is important in our life. No, U don't read it wrong. Let me repeat again, pain is important in our life. Why is it important? Because pain can push U up or bring U down. It is similar with fire that can make U warm but at the same time it can burns U.

Let's take a look at physical pain.

"When He came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed Him. A man with leprosy came and knelt before Him and said, "Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean." Jesus reached out His hand and touched the man. "I am willing," He said. "Be clean!" Immediately he was cured of his leprosy." (Mat 8:1-3)

Leprosy. From what I read and heard, it is not just hurt your body and nerves but it also hurt your feelings. Someone who has leprosy will be living his life alone. No one wants to go near him. It was a curse disease they said. But U see when people get sick, most of the time they will do anything to get healed. They will do the unthinkable, go to the doctor, eat antibiotics, go to alternative medicine, eat fruits, eat more vegetables, go to a shaman, acupuncture, and also pray. U see that this man came to Jesus, knelt and asked to be healed. Do U think he would do that if he was in a full health? For me, I don't think so. But because he was sick, he came to Jesus and knelt down right away! (sign of desperation..) Came and knelt down. He did the unthinkable as long as he got cured. Crowds followed Jesus that time, but he didn't feel ashamed, he didn't worry about the crowds, he wanted to be clean. He has faith. This is the part that I like, look at the way Jesus cured him. Jesus just came down from a mountain, maybe He felt a little bit tired when all of a sudden this man came to Him and 'bug' Him. But He didn't feel annoyed, He didn't ask that man 'Who are u?' , He didn't ask him about his job, He didn't say 'Wait a minute', He didn't say anything but "I am willing, be clean!".

Friends, when U read this, I hope and pray U are in a good health, free from any disease, but if U are in one that hurts U, that makes U feel pain, U can always come to Him. He won't care about your past, your mistakes, your job, as long as U have faith, then God willing and U will be healed. U know from my surgery's story, when I knew I had to have a surgery (4 tooth!) , I complained to God. Yes I am. I said to Him, 'God, 6 billion people in this world and I have to suffer this. I hate dentist, God.' God didn't come right away to my dream or appear right in front of me that time. But U know what, it was a wake up call from Him. I used to not cherish or appreciate my lunch or my dinner or my breakfast. I used to think that it is ok to left over some foods. After all this commotion, God wants to remind me about appreciating foods. And I do appreciate them now. No more left over.

Spiritual pain.

"Martin, can we talk?" Liz looked very serious that day. For a moment I thought it was Julia Gillard in front of me and I was Tony Abbott, we were ready to talk about financial situation in Australia.

"About what?" I said. "I broke up with my boyfriend." She answered.

For more than 2.5 hours, she told me everything about him. Where did she meet him, their first date, how good he was, how long they had been together, his favorite food, sports, music, cars, etc. In the end what I wait for a long time finally came. The reason!

"I didn't really know why he left. He just left. No phone. No text. No, nothing". I didn't say a word.

"But...to be honest..we had sex 2 weeks before he left me. And now he's gone..." she started to cry. I didn't say a word. "I'm so disappointed, I feel dirty, I feel useless, my heart is broken to pieces...". The tears starts to flow like a rainy day.

"Are you desperate?" I asked. "Yes..I've been through 5 relationships but none of it was good..they all left after they got my body.." she said.

For a moment I kept silent until she was a little bit calm down and I said, "Liz, desperate is a good sign." She was shocked! She stopped crying and looked at me as if I was speaking in mandarin.

I inhale then exhale and said, "Desperate is a good sign. Why? Because desperate people will do desperate things. U see that people can do the thing that they don't want to do in a normal condition. But desperate people will do anything to get out of their condition. U have 2 choices, take drugs, drink and be an alcoholic, go to the bar, go to club, smoke, eat junk food, drink more and more sodas, hurt yourself to make the pain go away. Or U can go do some exercises, study, read books, eat healthy food, drink water, and one more thing...U can pray." When she heard the word 'pray' , she was shock again and looked at me as if I was speaking latin this time.

She argued about it's been a long time and she never pray anymore, she felt dirty, she felt as a bad bad bad sinner. But I tried to convince her to give it a try for 2 weeks. Pray every night for at least 5 minutes. She agreed.

1 day, 2 days, 3 days, 1 week, 2 weeks and she decided to meet up with me again.

"Martin, your suggestion doesn't work" she said.

"Really?"

"Yeah, look, I already pray day by day like U told me but I don't feel better."

I smiled and said, "Liz, the thing is that when U pray, U already make things better. It just that U don't realize it. Look at yourself. U are not an alcoholic. U are not junkies. U don't gain weight. U look fresh. And the more important thing is...U don't hurt yourself."

She smiled, nodded her head, mouthing 'thank you' and walk away.

Friends, when U read this I hope and pray your relationships with family and friends are great. I know there are a lot of another 'Liz' out there. Some people have bad relationship with their family. A drunk father that likes to beat up his wife and kids. A father that keeps looking down into their kids, never satisfied, never encourage, just look down to all what the kids have been done. A mother who always busy. Never cook U for your dinner. Never at home when U got home. A sibling that always drag U into their trouble. Drugs, gamble, etc..

Some people have bad relationship with the others. Your boyfriend left U. Your girlfriend cheated on U. Your friend do 'back stabbing' on U. Your friends talk about U behind your back.

U feel hurt.. U feel pain.. U feel disappointed.. U feel like dying maybe.. U feel a broken heart.. U feel desperate..

Let me close with some facts. First, if U feel hurt, pain, disappointed, desperate, U must remember that U are NOT alone. "But Martin, the thing is that it is my family and friends that keep hurting me..I have no one.." U are wrong. U have God. Remember what I said earlier? Desperate people will do desperate things. Pray like U never pray before. Second, success makes U sleepy, unaware, complacent, relax, and soft. I didn't say success isn't important. I didn't say U can't be a successful person. But what I said is through failure, mistakes, and pain U will grow stronger. It makes U aware! It keeps U awake! Imagine a winner of 1 billion US$ through a lottery. Do U think it will last long? I don't think so. Most of them who win money through lottery goes bankrupt. Easy come, easy go. Achieve success through pain, it will last long time.

I hope if U hurt, emotionally, U can turn that feeling into your engine that will drive U further like a car..

I hope if U are sick right now, physically, U realized that it is a wake up call..not a curse..

I hope if U feel desperate, U do positive desperate things and use it as your vitamin to grow better..

God bless all of U abundantly =)

-M-