I love drawing book! Not just like it, but I love it! I remember when I was a kid, I use it all the time to draw what I wanted. But the other main things beside the book itself were pencil and eraser. When I wanted to draw a mountain and I made a mistake, I just erased it. That's what we supposed to do too in our daily life.
Forgive Others.
Whether you have realized it or not, forgiveness is against our nature. We, naturally, do not have the capability to forgive. Our nature is to destroy. That's why when someone hurt us, we want them to feel the pain too. That's why when someone lie to us, we can't go to them and smile and hug them. That's why when someone disappoint us, we want to kick, punch, slam, and slice them apart! (okay, I know that was too exaggerating..).
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22)
Jesus said we have to forgive someone up to seventy seven times (based on international version) or in the North America version, Jesus said we have to forgive someone up to seventy times seven! Let's do the math.. 70 x 7 = 490.. If there are 18 people that hurt you and for every 1 person that hurt you, you need 490 prayer, that means 490 x 18 = 8,820 prayers! Okay, enough with the math..it's holiday.
8,820 prayers show that forgiveness isn't easy and takes time. I will talk about it later though.
When you forgive someone , it doesn't mean you forget them. People sometimes confuse between the lines of forgive and forget. Forgive doesn't equal forget. They are 2 different things. I still remember though who used to bully me, who took away my money, who lied to me, who cheated behind my back, who pretended to be nice to me just for their own good, who pretended to be friends yet they left me when I needed them the most, yet I already forgive them. How? Pray.
I have a friend who had this grudge for his father for many years. Yet, now he's free from hatred. No more grudge, no more tears, no more anger.. only smile and he isn't shame to share his stories.. anytime. I asked him that one time, how come he could forgive his father that he used to hate so much, he gave me this beautiful answer. "To forgive means to accept. To accept your conditions were never easy. I used to feel hatred deep down inside.. I prayed for bad things that I wish fell upon my father.. Yet it never happened. Not even one time. And I started to think that God is choosing side. But I was wrong. No, God never choose side. He is neutral. My father left me, my brother, my sister and my mom, for other woman. My mom has to work day in , day out just to make sure me, my brother, and my sister have something to eat. I used to cry everyday. Until one day I changed my prayer. I prayed for the healthy life of my father..for his happiness. I started to understand that time, God wants to change my father, but first, He wants to change me. Pray keeps my sanity. Pray changes my hatred into love. Pray teaches me to forgive. I imagined if my father never left me that day. Today, I will not be who I am. I can't share any stories to people. Things happened because they have to. And when you started to accept those things that happened, you start to forgive others..and yourself."
Forgive Yourself.
I know some people are having a really hard time to forgive themselves. Some people put this high pressure above their head. Some people let others perception becoming their reality. Friends, maybe you can't accept your weakness, maybe other people can't too, but God can. It's time to let it go.
The famous story from bible about a woman who committed adultery and caught straight away by Pharisees, we can learn from there. When everyone look at her as a prostitute, everyone was so eager to throw that stone, Jesus wasn't. He didn't see her past. The Pharisees said, "Hey Jesus , let's throw stone at her.. It's written in the law.. She's sinner!". If Jesus wasn't Jesus , He would say , "You were right! Pffftttt what a shame, girl.. I have to punish you too..". But Jesus didn't say that. He said, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." (John 8:7). He even said this to her, "Neither do I condemn you: go, and sin no more." (John 8:11). People saw her as a sinner..prostitute. Jesus saw her as a human.
Or maybe we can learn from Peter. Peter was the number one apostle. Jesus said to him that he will be given the key to open the gate door of heaven. Yet, he lied about Jesus not once but three times. When Jesus needed him the most, he's gone. I can't imagine how he felt that time. Full of regrets. Sad. Guilty. Disappointed. But, when Jesus rose from the dead, He only asked this question to Peter: "Do you love me?" and Peter answered yes. And that happened for three times (John 21:15-17).
If Jesus wasn't Jesus, He would say, "Well.. well.. well.. Peter, so you lied about Me three times, didn't you?".
"Oh..gosh.. My Lord... I..I.. I..."
"Cut it off Peter.. You really disappoint me.. I guess there will be no key of heaven for you.. bye."
Jesus didn't focus on what has been done, what has gone wrong, but He focus on love and future.
Friends, don't put too much pressure on yourself. I have seen people that condemn themselves, said to themselves "I am a failure", "My life is so hard", "I don't have anything left", and other sentences with a lot of negativity in them. Relax and laid back for a moment. God accept your weakness. God forgive you even before you ask for it. So forgive yourself and don't be too hard on yourself.
Slow Down..and Move On.
We live in a fast world where everything has to be fast. When you ask for forgiveness or when you want to forgive yourself, I suggest slow down. Don't expect results over night. It takes time. Move one step at a time. Keep praying.
I will share you one more story before I end this journal.
I have a friend, a girl, who has been cheated by her boyfriend not just once but up to 4 times!
She said to me one day, "Martin, my friends said that they saw my boyfriend is dating another girl .. they saw him at the mall.. what should I do?'
"You sure your friends don't lie?"
"No! They are my best friends! They won't lie!"
I said, "Ok, go talk to him and cut him loose.. broke up with him. He doesn't love you.."
"Okay!" she said with full of spirit that time.
Few weeks later, she came to me again, this time with a little bit of tears, "Martin, my boyfriend has cheated me again.."
I was quite shocked and asked her, "Which boyfriend?"
"The old one.. I didn't break up with him.. When I talked to him, he convinced me that he loves me! He said that he will broke up with that girl.. He did! But he starts another relationship with another girl.."
"My suggestion is still the same.. leave him.."
She nodded her head and left.
One month later, she came to me again, this time few tears have dropped down to her cheeks, "Martin, he did it again!"
"Who did what?"
"My boyfriend! I forgive him two times yet he still cheat on me!"
"My suggestion, do you still want to hear it?"
"Yes!" she said with eager.
"Leave him!"
"This time for sure!" she said and swept her tears away.
Two months later, she came to me again, this time she cried like a drama queen star, "Martin, my boyfriend has left me for another girl! And this time for real!"
"What do you expect?" I asked.
"I forgive him three times..I expect he never ever left me.."
"Well you need him and it looks like you are in a wrong lane. Listen, need and love are two different things. Forgive and go back together are two different things too! When you forgive him, it doesn't mean you have to be together with him..he doesn't need your love.. he needs your tough love!"
Friends, forgiveness doesn't mean you have to be together anymore. Forgiveness isn't about you lend some money to your friend and then he took away your money, and you forgive him, then you lend him money again just for him to take it away again! That isn't forgiveness. Forgiveness is about freedom! Free from the pain, free from tears, free from hatred, free from anger..
I hope you can forgive the others. I hope you can forgive yourself. And if you find you can't, remember that God has forgiven you, even before you asked. So, let others and yourself enjoy the same blessing... A blessing of forgiveness.
-M-
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